Espionage Against Me

Getting to my dance lessons has been difficult thus far. I have remitted full payment for the class, and today was supposed to be the first one, but I had to miss. I was only 20 minutes late when I was about to leave, but during my customary detailed inspection to make sure nothing is amiss in the apartment, I noticed a crack in the floor that perhaps had not been there before. I followed the crack and it seemed to run the entire length of my living room. I immediately suspected that it was a spy-type thing where perhaps people could follow me from one end of the room to another to achieve some sort of goal of their own of which would not be shared by or helpful to me. I attempted to thwart them by stacking old magazines and newspapers on top of the crack, thereby creating an opaque substance of which for them to not see through.

I had just completed my thwartful task when I found a second crack in the floor, equal in length to the first. I rushed to my magazine and newspaper room, but had only enough to cover half of the crack. At this, I went reeling and into a shopping spree to Walgreens of which where to buy more magazines and newspapers but the man there said he didn’t sell those, only pastries, and did I want to order anything. I was unaware that Walgreens had changed over to selling only yeast breads, but this is fine with me as I like eating a croissant from time to time, for my constitution. I bought the pastries and took them home.

Upon home arrival it was clear that the stack of magazines had been moved no less than a quarter of an inch of where I had placed them, so I readjusted them and filled the other crack with the pastries.

When I found the third crack, it became clear I would not make it to my dance class, as I was 3 hours late and the class is only an hour-thirty. I laid down flat on top of the crack to block at least 5 feet 1 inch of the lateral, floor-length peephole. From this spot I could just reach the phone to call the floor man and he said that cracks like the ones I am experiencing are perfectly normalized in a hardwood floor.

Soothed by his words and promises, I went out to buy some baton twirlers at Walgreens. Because they recently decided to sell only bread goods, I was prepared to use breadsticks if need be. However, when I reached the Walgreens, their new policy is that they sell only Mexican food and beer, so I am using tostadas which is messy, but luckily my floor already is bedded with newsprints and magazines on of which to catch it all. I trust I will catch up with the rest of the class in a timely manner.

Alright, Honey. Bye-bye.