I Need Some Welding Assistance, Please.

Today I was very frightened by some things I saw when I was outside. First off, a man with a badge on his arm came to my door to give me what he called "mail". I did not trust him, as I have known my mail carrier for 7 years now, and this man was taller than the one that I'm used to. He handed me a stack of envelopes, and while they look like my regularly expected bills and adverts, I cannot verify with all certainty that they are not forgeries. I have a magnifying glass with which to look at them closer, but since I am not an expert, I decided to take them to the crime lab.

I got in the car to deliver them, but the key would not fit in the ignition. Although I live alone, it seemed someone had switched the keys on my keychain to replace my car key with my wine cabinet key. The car would not be started by a wine cabinet key, and so their sabotage was for a moment successful. I then caught the problem and was able to find the proper key for the car, just two keys away from the wine key.

On my way to the crime lab, a woman on a bicycle jumped her bicycle up onto and over my hood and cab of the car. This startled me quite a bit, and as I looked in the rear view mirror, she was pretending to be hurt on the ground behind me, but I could not be fooled. Still, I was becoming shakier by the minute.

I stopped at Walgreens to pick out a sausage, pickle, egg and cheese basket for my grandnephew's baptism, and while perusing the aisles, I saw some scuba gear on display for the summer. The sight of the scuba gear gave me quite a stir, as I am not accustomed to the underwaters or people who are familiar with these types of frightening masks. (I could not find the sausage pickle egg and cheese basket.)

I never did make it to the crime lab, either, because while I was driving I discovered that someone had moved the sidewalk into the middle of the street. So once I hit that bench with the ad for the Alderman on it, I was too tired to figure it all out. I walked the rest of the way home and immediately called a nice welding man to come over promptly and weld my doors shut.

I have posted the phone call on this blog. You can play it on the player below. I'm sorry the quality is crackly. The phone must have sensed my anxiety.

Press play on the player below to hear the phone call.